please give this song a comment,thnx

[konga]

http://www.geocities.com/gigadick2001/jangnara-i.mp3
it's coversong of koreanmusic
i like it so much i wrote english lyric forit
i like to hear review on lyric writing and wanna know whether there's a hiss or not on vocal track
for vocal i know it's a bit high,it's a girlsong but i have only myself to sing it
thnx