*rolls eyes*

[Liquid Shadow]

My band was supposed to practice today, but one of the guitarists and the bassist couldn't show up. The guitarist was out getting his driver's license today, and the bassist couldn't get a ride. According to him, his dad "lied to him" so he wound up not having a ride at the last second, though this isn't the first time this has happened, and his complete lack of effort at all to show up to practices is starting to add up to a certain member of the band getting pissed (hint: this person might be ranting about it on the internet at this very moment)

Basically, he's a major hypocrite. He defines the word. He always whines and complains that the drummer isn't committed to the band and never tells people things ahead of time so plans always fall through. The fact that practices are scheduled a week ahead of time, that they are held at his house, and that him and I write 95% of our material is irrelevant. He is still not committed, apparently because he doesn't like to talk on the phone. :roll: It's not like there are other forms of communication, like the internet, or the face to face conversations we all have every day at school. No...those aren't good enough. Because he tells people things ahead of time and isn't overly excited about the use of a phone when he could just tell us stuff face to face means that he isn't committed. :roll:

Now, the drummer and the bassist are both two of my best friends, but the bassist is such a focking hypocrite and drama queen about everything. He's always trying to stir shit up and find something wrong with somebody. Yesterday he was talking to me about how he wants to be more involved in the writing process and he doesn't like that I write so much stuff on my own. I should write riffs and then give them to him to add basslines and let the drummer write drum parts and all that. No. When I write something, I write it. If you have a better idea for a bassline, show me, and if it's good we'll use it. How do you think things work between me and the drummer with all our riffs you idiot? (the drummer plays guitar damned well too) I've heard his basslines before. There's a reason I write basslines to the riffs I write.


So anyway, at practice today, the 3 of us who were there played through one of our songs a few times and then just hung out since there wasn't a whole lot more to do without everyone there. We were in the drummer's room listening to some tunes, and I was sitting by the computer and noticed the bassist signed on to AIM. Cool...so I start talking to him. The drummer said to ask if he was pissed that he couldn't make it (the drummer doesn't know all this crap that the bassist spews about him, so he thinks things are going fine between everyone), and the convo went something like this from that point on:

Me: Dan wants to know if you're bummed that you couldn't make it.
Bassist: Screw him....it's just because he "doesn't call people"
Me: Dude, what the hell? Don't start blaming anything on him. You knew about this a week ahead of time and had plenty of time to get a ride, he has nothing to do with you not being here.
Bassist: my dad lied to me and couldn't take me
Me: yeah, so quit giving Dan shit, because he didn't do a damned thing wrong.
Bassist: Fuck you, I don't need this. I'm gonna go get ready for work.

He doesn't need this? What doesn't he need? Somebody telling him to shut the hell up and take responsibility for himself? Does he not need us having no sympathy for him because he's shifting the blame onto other people who have nothing to do with his situation?


He'd better clean up his act or there's a certain decision that certain people are going to make to not play music with a certain someone....

[Enigma™]

yeah, regardless of who my friends are, if someone starts that bullshit with me, I usually tell them off and then they're not my friends... Perhaps not the best way to go about it but it's a simple process of elimination. If they give me shit, Fuck 'em.
They weren't my friend anyway if they were going to pull that crap with me ;)

[ImaX]

Wel... I make music in my free time and it's a hobby. I have to cope with people in school or at job, but in my free time *I* choose the persons around me, and I don't want to hang out with people I don't like in *my freetime* :roll:

I don't know how you should cope with that, but in a band in which I'm important and in which I'm also making decisions, I would tell such persons to change their way or to leave the band... no big discussion: it's my freetime and I want to have fun there. But just generally speaking, if you can talk to them then first talk! I'd make a band meeting to talk about that in very clear words, and then see how the others cope with that.

[St0rMl0rD]

you really shouldn't talk about your band's problems all over the net... :roll: it's not professional.

[John]

Actually this is probably a pretty good place to draw from the expeirence of many others. However, I wouldn't say anything here that I wouldn't want my other band members reading.

For me playing gigs is just a way to make a little extra cash (gear lust). Fortunately for me, the guys I play with are, to the most part, just guys I happen to know.

I had my own problems about three months ago when I communicated to the band leader that I didn't like the $20 to $40 3hr bar gigs on Friday nights and followed it up by trying to work a deal, that he had been trying to get for several years, with one of the local hotels. He didn't care much for that, so he called me to let me know that they didn't need a piano player anymore.

This worked out good for me. About a month ago, I played my first solo gig. I made $250 playing from 6:00pm to 7:30pm on a Wednesday. I'm also having a pretty good time with recording software and working on my web-site.

We all have different expectations of what we're going to get out of music. Sometimes those expectations don't match up real well.

Good luck with your friends,

John.

[ChrisMcCoy]

My band was supposed to practice today, but one of the guitarists and the bassist couldn't show up. The guitarist was out getting his driver's license today, and the bassist couldn't get a ride. According to him, his dad "lied to him" so he wound up not having a ride at the last second, though this isn't the first time this has happened, and his complete lack of effort at all to show up to practices is starting to add up to a certain member of the band getting pissed (hint: this person might be ranting about it on the internet at this very moment)

Basically, he's a major hypocrite. He defines the word. He always whines and complains that the drummer isn't committed to the band and never tells people things ahead of time so plans always fall through. The fact that practices are scheduled a week ahead of time, that they are held at his house, and that him and I write 95% of our material is irrelevant. He is still not committed, apparently because he doesn't like to talk on the phone. :roll: It's not like there are other forms of communication, like the internet, or the face to face conversations we all have every day at school. No...those aren't good enough. Because he tells people things ahead of time and isn't overly excited about the use of a phone when he could just tell us stuff face to face means that he isn't committed. :roll:

Now, the drummer and the bassist are both two of my best friends, but the bassist is such a focking hypocrite and drama queen about everything. He's always trying to stir shit up and find something wrong with somebody. Yesterday he was talking to me about how he wants to be more involved in the writing process and he doesn't like that I write so much stuff on my own. I should write riffs and then give them to him to add basslines and let the drummer write drum parts and all that. No. When I write something, I write it. If you have a better idea for a bassline, show me, and if it's good we'll use it. How do you think things work between me and the drummer with all our riffs you idiot? (the drummer plays guitar damned well too) I've heard his basslines before. There's a reason I write basslines to the riffs I write.


So anyway, at practice today, the 3 of us who were there played through one of our songs a few times and then just hung out since there wasn't a whole lot more to do without everyone there. We were in the drummer's room listening to some tunes, and I was sitting by the computer and noticed the bassist signed on to AIM. Cool...so I start talking to him. The drummer said to ask if he was pissed that he couldn't make it (the drummer doesn't know all this crap that the bassist spews about him, so he thinks things are going fine between everyone), and the convo went something like this from that point on:

Me: Dan wants to know if you're bummed that you couldn't make it.
Bassist: Screw him....it's just because he "doesn't call people"
Me: Dude, what the hell? Don't start blaming anything on him. You knew about this a week ahead of time and had plenty of time to get a ride, he has nothing to do with you not being here.
Bassist: my dad lied to me and couldn't take me
Me: yeah, so quit giving Dan shit, because he didn't do a damned thing wrong.
Bassist: Fuck you, I don't need this. I'm gonna go get ready for work.

He doesn't need this? What doesn't he need? Somebody telling him to shut the hell up and take responsibility for himself? Does he not need us having no sympathy for him because he's shifting the blame onto other people who have nothing to do with his situation?


He'd better clean up his act or there's a certain decision that certain people are going to make to not play music with a certain someone....


Ok,
2 cents from the old fart who's been doing the band thing for 18 + years now.
You might not like this advice, but it will save you something that money can't buy - Your TIME.
Cut bait NOW. Don't waste another SECOND of your priceless energy on this fool. He's not worth the stress, and you have way to much of your life ahead of you to waste time on no-shows. Excuses are not acceptable in this business, and as you move on in time, you'll meet lots of agents, promoters, managers, and most of all MUSICIANS (sad but true) trying to sell you their worthless excuses. These will take you 2 steps backward for every effort you make to move forward. In short, I would fire him NOW (as in RIGHT NOW, as soon as you read this !!) pick up the phone and make the call , place your ad, and start scheduling auditions. The longer you wait, the more time you are wasting. Friends or no friends, remember this, business and pleasure rarely mix. When you get to be my age, your tolerance for this sort of rubbish will continue to diminish.
I've been all over the eastern US with bands, projects, etc. And it will thicken your skin very very quickly. My policy is refined to this simple idea: Either do the deed, or get out of the way for someone else who will.

I sincerely hope you benefit from my advice, so you don't have to lose as much time as I did learing from experiences similar to this one.
Please feel free to contact me offline on my e-mail link if you have questions or want to discuss.
Chris

[ChrisMcCoy]

you really shouldn't talk about your band's problems all over the net... :roll: it's not professional.

Why not ? Isn't the point of this forum to seek the advice of others experienced in this business ?

Send me your complaints, I'm all ears and full of advice.

:shock:

[ktriton]

I hate to say this, but you should start thinking about which you value more: the band or your friendship. Because you can always replace a guitarist or bassist, but you can never truly replace a friend.

Catch my drift?

I do, however, think that you should move quickly on this choice because, as Chris so eloquently pointed out, there is no room for excuses in this business.

[Liquid Shadow]

I'm not "discussing my band's problem's over the net," just venting some frustration. I don't really expect everyone to care that much, but sometimes venting like this can be a little theraputic.

And I didn't say a thing in my post that I wouldn't have told him to his face. He could stop by this forum and read that and I wouldn't mind at all. I'm not confronting him about anything just yet, but if the bullshit trend continues, someone's band membership will not.


ktriton basically hit the nail on the head of why I haven't already gotten fed up to the point where someone gets the boot. The bassist is my friend, and when I was in a band with him awhile back and I quit that (silly teenage garage band thing that we both hate in hindsight) he hated me for quite awhile simply because I quit, even though I stressed that there were no hard feelings between anyone. That's what bothers me, is that if he does keep this up and we have to tell him that he's out, he'll be doubly pissed and...yeah. :?

We'll see...

[Deceit]

Hey man (one day it'd be nice to call you by name :D), I've been, as you read in my recent bio, more or less 3 years in band-problems-thingy.
First of all, make it clear with him. This is not enough. You're not making progress in this situation. But talk with him face to face. If he has the guts to do it, he will either find his will to go on or quit. If he doesn't, I guess he has to be kept apart from your projects. We had a similar drummer and he had the courage to tell us he was about to stop playing and he had to quit with us. Anyway, as far as I remember you are some 13-14-15 years old - without doubt an early age. It's normal your fellows are acting like children and it's indeed your proof of being a mature musician to be determined in going straight up to a point - we're keyboardists and by nature we are more serious (ok, this last phrase isn't one of my Facts ;) remember? 8) ).
Of course you want to keep up with your friend, as much as I want to keep up with our about-to-be-kicked singer (and classmate of mine) (not that he doesn't show up, he just has too many flaws to play with us...not that we're THE band, but well...he's not what we would want), but this is no friendship problem. This is about being honest with someone. Being friends, I learnt in my short band experience, isn't what starts a musical relationship. Of course relationships grow between the members, but it's much better if friendship is left aside...I'm a friend with almost all my band mates SINCE we have played together, not BEFORE.
Think about it and I hope you find a solution.
Good luck,
Deceit.

[Liquid Shadow]

My name is Ryan, for future reference, and I'll be all of 16 years old tomorrow. :P

[lighthouse]

Well dude, your situation is the story of my life......but from I`ve learn I can tell you:

- First: if he is really your friend he should respect YOU, and that includes respecting your TIME and effort for putting rehersals together.
- Second: Everything is a matter of interests and priorities....so if this guy doesn`t shows up at rehearsals that probably means that he doesn`t have the same goals with the band as you, so a band that is not focused on the same goals doesn`t goes anywhere....
- Third: (related to first) if he really IS your friend he shouldn`t piss off with you for a band that he obiously doesn`t take too seriously....
- Fourth: Nothing in this life worth loosing your inner peace....and I mean nothing.....base your desitions on this and you`ll take the correct turn always!

So measure things up and take your desitions based on that. I did that and I can asure you that I `ve made the right choice!

Juan Pablo

[WoofWoofX]

Actually 3 weeks ago asimilar thing happened to my brother...
So he acted really fast on the problem...
Called me (for KB) and an other guy (guitars) and then when he got the OK...he called for a band meeting after a discussion with the singer and drumer...) and they took the decision to kick both KBist and Guitarist off the train...
and now we're in the middle of a huge preparation since the repertoire has more then 150 songs...but the stress is gone and everyone is happy

Just a story

[ChrisMcCoy]

Actually 3 weeks ago asimilar thing happened to my brother...
So he acted really fast on the problem...
Called me (for KB) and an other guy (guitars) and then when he got the OK...he called for a band meeting after a discussion with the singer and drumer...) and they took the decision to kick both KBist and Guitarist off the train...
and now we're in the middle of a huge preparation since the repertoire has more then 150 songs...but the stress is gone and everyone is happy

Just a story

That's a GREAT Story ! Way to get things done ! That's exactly what I'm talking about. Throw the dead weight overboard and move on !

[WoofWoofX]

Thanks m8,
yesterday was our first meeting... we were able to do 10 songs in 2.5 hours... seemed really good for a band that most of the member has never met each other...

Anyway good luck Liquid Shadow