Remembering, being, becoming...

[Deceit]

Hi all guys.
I've been recently thinking about me and my directions - maybe too much, maybe I don't have anything better to do, maybe you who are reading as well :D...

Am I a keyboardist? I own three nice synthesizers. I like turning them on and jamming, discovering new sound possibilities and programming, when I have some spare time. I've had 3 years of piano lessons on my old Korg EC500, with which I passed 1997-2000, probably the worst period in my life - for personal reasons I'm not crying out. Then what? Then I felt like there was no more passion in my fingers. I didn't think of me as an artist in any way. I didn't have a band nor I thought I could have one at that time. I was drawn by a friend of mine who changed my whole view on music - he played drums with his brother, the guitarist of his band...at that time we shared being fans of Queen and Led Zeppelin...I owe them a lot. My beginning.

At the age of 11, a bit late, I chose to start taking piano classes. My teacher, Paolo DeNuccio, was a charming, calm 35 years old man, with a peaceful personality. He tried to teach me to relax...but I've always been obsessed with speed, even at that time. I remember I never got hold of myself after the first year, the quality of my exercises was just sufficient...or so I understood. I was and I am stubborn, but in the wrong way. If I was stubborn in doing the exercises the right way, following the path laid in front of me by my quiet teacher, I would be a better keyboardist now. This is what I think now, and I'm full of regret for the less-than-mediocrity I chose at the time. Came what it came at that time,

I ended up one day (I believe I was 14) without even a call. I grew "busy", if starting a new school and settling down can be considered busy. In fact I wasn't inspired in going on. And it wasn't my teacher. He was very, very technical, maybe he didn't tell me "come on, improvise". He always let me do what I wanted, and I was a child. If I wanted to learn Star Wars Theme (and I did :D) I could. If I wanted to give up the week after, no problem, we'll get back playing exercises. The last 6 months were like this, even if I started Duvernoy and Czerny Book I and I was about to finish them - after finishing Beyer (pretty simple). I knew A, B and C but I should have gone on through Z.

The first year of "liceo", one of the choices given in Italy when you have to choose a "high school" (even if the whole system is pretty different - I like it), was pretty...weird. I started singing in a band. We played soft rock...U2, REM, G'n'R you know, all those rock bands...and I brought my Yamaha PSR-ISUCK with me every time. The sounds were...I remember kind of cheesy...but I didn't really care, the keyboard was just a backup for "Losing My Religion", just an arrangement.
My singing was untrained but I liked it, even if I didn't know even how to take the high notes. We played at some birthdays, nothing serious, or, you know, church community parties.

The year after everything changed. I got worse and worse at singing, my voice was changing again of course, and I turned to be quite a normal voice, tuned but with a cheap range. Many people told me to give up, by the end of the term my band was no more. They changed everything, and I just had a void of music. I felt very hollow. The first answers were in listening. A lot of hard rock, Deep Purple were my favourite. Then came Metallica.

One day a friend of mine who was pretty much into metal gave me an earphone and shared with me the listening of "Black Diamond". I fell instantly in love with those sounds. Stratovarius were my first metal band.

I auditioned for a singer role in a power metal/Stratovarius cover band, "Chasing Shadow". They had nice own songs as well, more like Judas Priest with some keyboards, but anyway they rocked live...in fact it was strange we played Stratovarius but the result was much more like, for example, Angel Dust...
I was in for a couple of months...I had my best gig so far, as a singer it's totally different, you have all the attention and you have to entertain the crowd - and it's amazing when you feel you have their eyes on you. Another couple of gigs were quite nice, but the other guys started changing their views and I didn't fit the plan. They recruited a new female singer, fired me, then the keyboardist, probably the only one who has been honest with me (I became interested in keyboards again by seeing what he could do - he had a great gift for composing), just quit because I think he was tired of playing the same riffs over and over and wanted to be free in his composing. Not nice to say, but they ended up splitting some months later.

In those months my knowledge of the genre grew a lot, I started buying magazines, cds and cds, going to concerts...and in January-February 2003 I bought my brand new Triton Le 76. I tried to hook it into the digital piano so I could play the sounds with weighted keyboard, and I didn't realize, at that time, I lost the little technique I once had.

The last time I sang was at school during the concert. I was singing with the keyboard, as I did for some years, but this time the setlist was all Iron Maiden, a neoclassical solo with the ex-Chasing Shadow guitarist, and some Black Sabbath songs as well (my first sound was my very own, cheesy B3 to be used for a Paranoid solo...it seems so easy to play after a year and a half).

The following summer I came up with my actual band, "Deceit". We started being a Dream Theater cover band, and we still have to go through that moment. We played some pretty easy (as for keyboards) songs, like "Pull Me Under", "A Mind Beside Itself" (the Awake suite (Erotomania, Voices, The Silent Man (live version)) just in case...), "Another Day". Then we tried to write something personal, but all the attempts were vanquished by an absent yet technically perfect drummer. We decided to fire him aware we were about to split up for inactivity...and now, after months and months, we've found another one...just before summer holidays=more inactivity.

Now, I have to learn perfectly some less-simple songs (yet nothing exaggerated), "Overture 1928" and "Under a Glass Moon". I am back with the problem of impatience. I can't focus. And also, I feel like my technique isn't enough again. Not enough to play in the 4 ways the article albertors once submitted - effortlessly is the only one I really remember :).
I need to do something about that. Now that I feel inspired, I want to get back studying, but I feel it's late and private classes won't be enough.

Now, first of all I have to try to stay in my band and play those songs good enough.
My main problems are, at the moment, in muscles. I can't play, for example, the quick repeated chords before the last chorus in UAGM. I just don't play relaxed, my whole forearm is tight and I'm always stuck after a group of three. My left hand is even worse.
Some advice on the repeated chords will do for now.

Then I'm considering my options for the future - if this feeling like I want to play and compose is lasting like it seems (and I'm afraid to think it could run away), I want to get all the skills I need to be considered technically complete. With the Online Conservatory I could manage learning with my (this time really) short time the upcoming school year (it will be the last one before university) - I don't have to book for a lesson, I just connect and download videos and exercises (?), and it's only $50 in a lifetime (isn't it?).
There is a school in my city, the Music Academy, in association with the one in Los Angeles and London (I think). It's 2 to 4 hours a week, and you have both private classes and jamming with other instrumentists as well as common classes with theory and...well, it sounds really cool. But this is what I want to start as soon as I have more "spare time" - in one year, when I begin university.

This is what I feel. Tell me, do you think it's wrong? Do you think I should just give up because I don't feel gifted, or I'm stubborn and I have no patience? Would you have any advice, please?
I'm really concerned, I feel confused and I need to find clarity in what's the best to do now.
Deceit.

[Quili]

I understand what you mean. I´ve had periods as well when I´ve thought about the reasons for why I do things, if I´m on the right path etc... I´ve always been really into music but there have been periods when I haven´t played at all and I´ve focused on totally different things. I guess my conclusion is that there´s no idea to force things. If you don´t feel passionate about something (at the moment), don´t do it. Unless, of course, you put other people in a bad situation, i.e. if you´re in a band. I´ve found that things come and go. There will be times when I spend all my time playing music, and times when I don´t play at all.

Of course, there are sources of motivation and inspiration that can trigger and sustain your passion once again. Learning new songs, mastering an exercise or just finding out that you can play stuff you couldn´t do earlier is a great thing. Playing with good musicians that keep pushing you is great too... As you say, one of the greatest things is to get out and play live. The kick you get out of a great gig can really give you some wind in the sails. Nowadays I take all the live oppurtunities I can get. Even if it´s just with a cover band at a birthday party or playing solo at a wedding. I find that is the best way to keep the inspiration up.

If your problems are merely technical the solution is probably simpler. Find some good (and fun!) exercises that you find target the stuff you have trouble with. Then stick with them until you really mastered them. Don ´t move on to something else when you "sort of" know them...

Anyway, good luck with you´re progress! I´m sure you´ll find the solution to your situation! :)

Edit: About the repeated chords in UAGM, the way I would try to play that section is by just using a very small wrist motion. Try to focus on relaxing your shoulder and then just play one chord in 16th notes as an exercise. I agree it´s a bit difficult! :)

[Axe2Grind]

I think you need to decide whether your music in your life is a hobby or something more serious where you want to become a professional musician in the future. If its the latter, then dedicate yourself and make a balance between your musical life and your personal life, every musician needs a certain amount of time away from music, otherwise you'll overload and get disheartened, like you are now. Do your excercise's, most importantly, compose your own music always, this is the only way to get your own voice and idea's going, maybe join a band that wants to make their own original music, you'll become the musician you want to be far quicker than playing covers and trying to learn other people's songs,riffs and licks all the time. Above all, enjoy your music, don't let your technical ability (which in my opinion is very good!) bring you down, Rome was not built in a day and as long as you enjoy your music and have fun, before you realise it, your chops, technique and overall musician ship will have improved. If music is only a hobby to you (like it is to me) then just enjoy having fun with it, practice when you feel like it, still compose your own stuff and get as much communication going with other musician's as possible which is another good way to improve. If you take things too seriously and stop enjoying what you do because you think (and probably in your own mind) that you're not improving etc, then you may talk yourself into giving up and you will regret doing that in later years. Never judge or compare yourself to others either, only be concerned with your own abilities and what you want and can acheive with your music. If everybody looked at Jordan and said 'I'll never be as good as him' most of us would give up there and then. Everybody is different in music, just as we are in life, because we are all individuals in our music making and have our own personalities, be happy and excited by what you can do with music, because there are always others out there that wish they could play like you. Get motivated and enjoy yourself, that's the most important thing whether you want to be a pro or not.

I wish you well with your music dude.... :D

[ChrisMcCoy]

That's an excellent bio. Don't worry, you're not alone. Sooner or Later, everyone finds their niche. Eventually things will fall into place. Read my bio on my website (See weblink below). A lot of my motivation came from
trying different things, traveling, playing wind instruments, changing courses of study in school. Today music is a hobby for me. That' not to say 20 years from now it won't be a profession. I'm 36, married with children and working full time, but I still play and record music.
I think that the same passion that motivated you to buy keyboards and play them, will be the same passion that leads you to your path as a musician, whether you are full time, part time or hobbyist. The best advice I can offer you is simple: Do what you love. Everything else will fall into place.
C.