My newest composition (first draft)

[jeebustrain]

This is my first contribution to this forum. I've finally started to get back into writing in my new place, and this is my first (semi) completed composition. There's some rough edges, but overall, I'm very happy with it. I've been working on it since last saturday, and I just played parts of it for my brother this morning and he happened to tell me that the beginning phrase sounds a bit like a Blink-182 song (?!?!). I don't listen to them, but you be the judge.

Short synopsis, it's a prog piece, weighing in at just under 11 minutes. A little bit of Genesis, Marillion, Kansas, Rush (can you find the Hemispheres reference?), a little Chick Corea, and a lot of just my typical writing style. There really isn't much guitar in it, with the exception of some synthesized acoustic and clean strat (coming from my keyboard). This is because I can't play guitar. SOmebody will eventually overdub and add. some stuff.

Also, there's a 32 bar 4/4 section in the middle after the crazy polyrhythmic breakdown that's missing a solo. I'm working on coming up with a Derek Sherinien type noisy synth solo for that, so I'll post it when I'm done. Also, keep your ear out for my bad Tony Banks impression on the Virtual Prophet5 lead right about 8:30. All the sounds, with the exception of the NI Pro-52 solo at the end came from my Motif 6.Overall, I'm pretty prod of how it turned out, especially in light of my compositional dryness for the last 9 months...

I give you... Stark Dark Contrast (http://apps.aecsolutions.com/brian/Brain-Stark_Dark_Contrast.mp3) --EDIT: check the link on my later post for the newer version--

Oh yeah, Just cause I don't have to pay for bandwidth charges, I put it up on my work's T1... So be patient if it's slow, because it's about 14MB

[Ael]

The opening progression sounds like the opener to "superman" by five for fighting in some ways...and then reminds me of heart and solo with ur I-vi-IV-V in the bass...the drum tracks are okay...

but a lot of it sounds..."boring"...just the same thing repeated over and over and over again...to be honest, the beginning doesn't really "grab" me and the piece sounds too confined...let go, explode, go nuts...I like your little solo at the end around the 9 minute or what not...but yea...

Dont' take this as too much of a criticism cause I can't write music for crap...but as a listener, there's a lot of elements to your writing that you could develop even more...

[jeebustrain]

Drums are real basic as of now (that's generally something that I usually put a lot of time into, being that I'm a drummer), I should have that part completely done in the next few nights.

As far as the repeating aspect of a lot of it, it's mainly due to the fact that when I was originally hashing out ideas for a lot of it, I had vocal parts in mind, therefore I drew stuff out a bit more than I would normally. The opening phrase, especially. Once I figure out if I'm going to still do that, I'll adjust accordingly.

Thanks for your response though. This style is a bit of a departure than some of my earlier stuff (a lot more rhythmically complex, not as much melodic development), so I'm still trying to find a bearing on that. I tried to lay back on a lot of the really polyrhythmic stuff, because after a while that gets boring. I wanted something in more of a laid back feel, something a little more "song-ish."


Out of curiosity, what would you suggest for a change in the drums? Is it the actual patches used? Or is it the parts being played? I only ask because I had someone else mention to me that they didn't like the drum patch and they thought it took away from the song. It's the standard Jazz kit on the Motif. I chose it because I really like the snare. But then again, it doesn't lend itself to some of the more rockish sounding stuff on this, so I might try to rethink the drum patches

[Ael]

No, I meant, that I like the drumtracks, but what's over the tracks, your intro and all that stuff, sounds "boring"...

[jeebustrain]

ah, I gotcha.


Lemme fiddle with it tonite and I'll post a new version in a day or so and tell me what you think

[Taurus]

We're waiting man. Btw, i like the part around 9:30 most, the whole 'Lucky-Man' Solo kind of thing with that lead.

[jeebustrain]

http://apps.aecsolutions.com/brian/Brain-Stark_Dark_Contrast_2.mp3


ok... draft 2. I completely redid the intro, and added about a minute and a half in the process. I used the 3x6/8+9/8 ostinato that's in the orchestral part near the end as my intro theme, (done loosely with the bass). I then put an uptempo swing shuffle feel over that. I think it blends really well. I also got a little floyd/porcupine tree with the next section leading into the old intro (now with an organ over it). Other than that, a lot of it is the same at this point, except fot me trying to "realify" up the electric guitars a bit with some of the amp simulators that Sonar has (I don't have any real ones at the moment).

The middle 4/4 part still needs work. I can't seem to come up with anything to put over that Adrian Belew style guitar riff. Any ideas?

[Enigma™]

interesting ideas man... I'm hearing some synthy leads near the beginning, strings, etc... Let me see what I can come up with for the first one just messin' around and perhaps that will inspire you somehow?

:D

[jeebustrain]

Part of me is thinking of putting some of that odd-time shuffle stuff in the bridge part and thinging of completely scrapping that 4/4 rock groove... The first time it appears, I used to have an organ playing octaves over it because I just couldn't think of anything (as you can hear in the first draft), but I dunno.

I hope you have an idea. I've been working on this for about 16 days now, and last week was pretty much a wash (couldn't think of anything). It's only been in the last couple days that I've been inspired to redo the beginning.

Oh yeah, and don't mind my complete lack of conventional form when putting parts.... Lately, I've been a stream of consciousness kind of a guy when it comes to structure (my old theory teacher would be punching me in the back of the neck if he saw how I've been writing) :D Call me the E.E. Cummings of Midi Sequencing.

Oh yeah, and pay no attention to the couple parallel 5ths that I have in some of those chord progressions, too. It's a pet peeve of mine that I've been too lazy to fix. Sometimes it's easier to play root position chords and redo inversions and stuff via notation. Hell, it's only been in the last couple years that I've even started even really playing a lot of stuff as I write. I used to manually plunk everything in a notation editor. But I figure this is a good way to practice my keyboard skillz (you know, me being just a drummer and all)

[jeebustrain]

interesting ideas man... I'm hearing some synthy leads near the beginning, strings, etc... Let me see what I can come up with for the first one just messin' around and perhaps that will inspire you somehow?

:D

So, do you think that lead that I'm using would work for something uptempo? Everytime I play with it, I can't really bring myself to play much faster than I already am, just because of how delicate it sounds. I've been trying to come up with a decent sounding Derek style lead on my Motif, but so far I haven't been very successful. I managed to find somebody's patch of a Ruddess style lead, but that just sounded kind of hokey over it.

[SpaceDyeMan]

I like the second better!
That intro on the first one sounds too cliche! Sounds a little U2's With Or Without You...
The second version seems to be stronger!
Good job! :)
Anyway I think some parts sounds a little "forced" like "let's put any note of the scale here in any rythm to sound prog and crazy"!
but that's the first thought that came in my head on those parts!
I like very much the riff at 2:48, and the later with different sound near the middle-ending!
It has some really cool ideas!
Overall I liked it :D
Congrats!

[ktriton]

How are you guys listening to it? I get asked for a username. password, and domain every time I click those links...

[jeebustrain]

How are you guys listening to it? I get asked for a username. password, and domain every time I click those links...

sorry about that... It's sitting on one of our development web servers at work and there were some config changes made to that box in the last day that broke IIS. In the meantime, I moved them to a different webserver

here's a new link...

Draft 1 (http://apps.aecsolutions.com/brian/Brain-Stark_Dark_Contrast.mp3)

Draft 2 (http://apps.aecsolutions.com/brian/Brain-Stark_Dark_Contrast_2.mp3)

EDIT-- I also fixed the links in the original posts

[havyyck]

It's a solid piece. I would just cut out a few of the repeating measures so you don't OVERDUE a certain passage. Other than that it's cool. I like the twelve tone stuff, very much!

I like the synth sounds. What type of board was this done on? :roll:

[havyyck]

The solo at the end is championship stuff...

[jeebustrain]

It's a solid piece. I would just cut out a few of the repeating measures so you don't OVERDUE a certain passage. Other than that it's cool. I like the twelve tone stuff, very much!

I like the synth sounds. What type of board was this done on? :roll:

yeah that repeating part is the main part that I'm stuck on. I'd like to keep the phrase that long, just I'm not sure exactly what to put there. I'm gonna really dig into that part tonite after work, though. Hopefully I'll get something good there.

It's a Motif 6 for all the sounds except the lead is a NI Pro-52 and there's an Absynth patch in there (the delay effect thing in the porcupine tree sounding part)

[havyyck]

I think a good song is like a good meal. You wanna leave em wanting more, you don't want to stuff them full of your great work. Let them savor a good passage by playing the song over and over.... :P